The not too much later end of tummy timeThe surgery is scheduled to begin at 9 which is the first surgery for Dr. Flores that day. We are thankful for a Wednesday surgery because all the surgeries start later due to conference so we won't have to be there quite as early.
I am not too worried about Elijah's safety in surgery. For some reason, it is easier for me to trust God for that. I had a good bit of anxiety last week that Dr. Flores would not be able to connect both sides of Elijah's gumline. I noticed last week that the gap between his premaxilla (center piece of gumline) and the right gumline segment seemed larger. Like I have said in previous posts, we have had trouble big time with the taping. On our last trip to NY (a week and a half ago), the staff came up with a new way to tape to avoid sticking tape to Elijah's cheeks which are super irritated.
This wasn't as easy to get and hold the right tension, so I think the gap got a little wider last week. Enter anxiety. Anxiety that we would not have the surgery results as optimal as possible (ie-connect both the right and left gumline segments which would possibly reduce one or two surgeries down the road and justify our trips to NY, the NAM, and the awful taping over the last 4.5 months). I know it is good and right to hope and ask God for the most optimal surgical outcome. But like most things in our lives, the good crossed that fine line into idolatry for me. I idolize a perfect surgery. Therefore I have been grasping to control what I can't. Therefore anxiety. Specifically a few hours of crushing anxiety on Thursday.
So after a little internal downward spiral, I recognized/God revealed to me that I needed to trust him above all and let go of this. I need to trust that if His ultimate plan involves more surgeries, that is best. I must continually release this worry to my Savior. It's easier said than done, but He has since largely given me peace. I still have moments of anxiety, but I am thankful for my steady anchor of a husband too who gently reminds me that worrying is not only useless but destructive (he doesn't say those exact words but his words remind me of this truth).
Look at the birds of the air: they neither sow nor reap nor gather into barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not of more value than they? And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? (Matthew 6:26, 27 ESV)
Or as The Jesus Storybook Bible says:
"Little flock," Jesus said, "you are more important than birds! More important than flowers! The birds and the flowers don't sit and worry about things. God loves to look after the birds and the flowers. And he loves to look after you too."
Which, by the way, if I remember the timeline correctly, this was the story I was next in line to read Elijah on Thursday after I had my freak out hour or two. Oh and also, that same day, my dear friend Amy checked in on me and said I had been on her heart that day. Coincidence? I think not. More like a caring Redeemer who knows my weakness and struggles so much more clearly than I do. One who cares so much to give me both intangible/unexplainable peace and tangible reminders of his care for us.
And if that is not convincing enough to you of the way my God so deeply cares for me as his daughter, the next day's story to Elijah was "The storm on the lake" from Matthew 8. The Jesus Storybook Bible ends it like this:
Jesus' friends had been so afraid, they had only seen the big waves. They had forgotten that, if Jesus was with them, then they had nothing to be afraid of. No matter how small their boat or how big the storm.
For now, that's all I will post about the surgery. I may post another before surgery and will try to post some short updates during/after surgery too. Now I will just put up some pictures of Elijah.
Aunt Christina and Uncle Patick came for a visit!
If he looks mad, it is because Aunt Christina woke him up after bedtime when they arrived.
My little lumberjack hipster
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