A masterpiece

We made it through the surgery. Praise God from whom all blessings flow! Elijah did great and looks great. I can't even begin to explain the feeling of walking down the hall to the recovery room, hand in hand with Nate, nervous about how I will handle seeing Elijah's new face, anxious to see my baby who has endured a 6 hour long surgery at such a young age. I can't even begin to explain what it was like to behold the beautiful masterpiece of his new, serene, sleeping face -- except to say it is both like seeing your baby for the first time all over again and like seeing him beautifully and carefully mended to be closer to what is whole. I do not mean to say I didn't love his cleft lip and wonderfully wide smile. I cherished it and when I look back at pictures, I love it. He was not broken in my eyes, yet the fact is, his lips and nose among other things were not closed together as they should be. 

I, of course, cried when I laid eyes on him. He was perfect. Just as before. He was mine. We were reunited, finally. He was asleep, very soundly. In fact, he didn't want to wake up, which is pretty normal. The boy loves sleep. Nate and I got to enjoy some quiet time watching him rest in comfortable peace. We got to admire the handiwork of Dr. Flores and team. We looked at the teeny, tiny stitches. Such delicate, careful, intentional cutting and stretching and moving and mending. So much of this cleft and process reminds me of our deeper spiritual journey from deep brokenness in sin and the gentle and sometimes painful handiwork of our God to make "those things which are not, as though they were" (Rom 4:17). Whole. Complete. Healed. 

In this Lent season, I also think on the tender heart of Jesus who healed and heals. 

When he went ashore he saw a great crowd, and he had compassion on them and healed their sick. (Matthew 14:14 ESV)

I am thankful for a God who sees the broken with compassion and who acts to bring healing. Ultimately to the deepest sickness of our souls (the sin that pulses through our veins), but also to the physical ailments of our bodies. Many question how God could allow this or that hard and terrible thing to happen. And I will admit to often be one to see destruction and injustice and have a hard time reconciling that with a loving God. But this I know and know it more intimately through our adoption and our cleft journey so far: God is one of compassion for the brokenness of his children, one who gave of himself in the most self-sacrificing way possible, one who took on the greatest injustice upon his own body for the sake of healing and reconciling those who do not deserve his love, and one who delights in bringing about wholeness to a mess of broken pieces. 

I do not minimize the pain that many of you may be feeling in your current or past circumstances/illnesses. I don't know why things happen the way they do. It doesn't take more than a few minutes in a children's hospital to ask that question to God, or to wonder why them not us and recognize how fortunate we are and how much worse it could be. And I thank God for the mercy he has had on my little family. However I hope with all hope that if you are in crushing circumstances, you can turn and rest in the shadow of the Almighty, to find comfort under his wings, and depend on him for strength, healing, and deliverance. Press on. 

I have written so much without pictures, somewhat intentionally. First, one of our last pics before surgery:

And now what you have been waiting for:

He is swollen and has a lot more healing to do, but he is beautiful. Just as beautiful as before. My new little man. 

Sleepy and dazed. Awake for only short periods of time. 

In our arms. We have only out him down a couple of times to change his diaper and to tour the floor we are on (the burn/plastic surgery unit). 

We have given him two tiny feedings of pedialyte. The first stayed down for a half hour but partially came up when he coughed up some blood (totally normal due to drainage down his throat). If this second and maybe a third stay down, we will try formula. If he can keep formula down and if his pain seems mostly under control, we can go home tomorrow. 

Thanks for all your prayers and support. They have helped carry us through! Hoping for continued rest for Elijah tonight. I have heard from other moms that every day, these babies return a little more to their usual selves. We know these next three weeks won't be easy with his restraints and his pain, but we know it is temporary and will hopefully remember to depend on God for strength.