My sister Christina accompanied us on our first NYU trip. And my youngest sister Hannah joined us for the last trip.
They both got to see the most emotional of the trips. It was terrifying to start in October, and it was sad to say good-bye this week. We took our normal path. Drive to Chicago, fly to Laguardia, cab to clinic. Once we got to clinic, I looked around at all the younger babies and their families. My heart went out to them. Those weekly trips were by far the hardest. Dealing with new additions, modifications, and sores from the NAM plate. Feeling like it would never end. I remember seeing the older baby or two coming for their nasal stent visit after lip/nose repair thinking, "Are we ever going to make it?" We did. By the strength of someone else.
At the appointment, we saw Dr. Grayson. The new fellow, replacing Dr. Olson, was there but didn't interact with us. Dr. Grayson checked Elijah out and said that he would like us to keep using the stents but phase them out over the next month. We took final pictures so that we didn't have to come back for another trip. I'll post those in a bit. I didn't take pictures at the clinic because I was emotional saying good-bye to everyone and kind of forgot. I can never express to the staff how thankful I am. Thankful for the best care. Thankful for their compassion. Thankful for their encouragement. Dr. Grayson was very generous and offered their clinic to act as a consultant from afar with during the remainder of Elijah's cleft care over the years, which we will of course take them up on.
After the appointment we headed across the street to the foundation. We said hello and good-bye (for now) to our family there. Words cannot express how thankful we are for their generosity towards us and Elijah. Without their help, we would not have been able to receive the absolute best NAM care. We cherish them. If you are ever looking for an organization to give to, they are worth the money. They not only helped us but they provided so much encouragement. And they LOVED Elijah. I snapped a photo of the giant canvas picture they have up in their office of us. Their photographer Saulo took this. I hope it's ok to post it :)
The tears flowed every time I said good-bye to someone at the clinic or at the foundation. While I am immensely relieved to not have regular trips to NY anymore and relieved to be (almost) done with NAM/taping, I will miss all of the staff. I know I sound like a broken record, but they will always be near and dear to our hearts.
We grabbed lunch at S'mac and shared a veggie mac n cheese that was delicious, and then got a cannoli to share at the airport.
So this trip marked the end of an era for us. Ok, that is a little dramatic, but still...The NAM trips to NY were such a huge part of his first 9 months of life. Though the last four months were only monthly instead of weekly trips, the phrase "New York trip" was a regular part of our family vocabulary. These trips were so many things to us: difficult, exhausting, emotional, trying (my patience), exhausting (that one gets mentioned twice for sure)...and yet, they were sweet times with good friends and family, transformative (physically for Elijah, spiritually for me), healing, encouraging, and hopeful.
The only way to explain how in the world this easily frustrated and tired girl got through all of it was by the grace and peace provided by God.
He always provided a dear traveling companion to sweetly carry the bags and hold Elijah when I needed a break.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want. (Psalm 23:1 ESV)
He always provided physical safety as we traveled our 20 or more hour days.
He makes me lie down in green pastures. He leads me beside still waters. (Psalm 23:2 ESV)
He alway provided so much encouragement through the clinic andfoundation staff to continue on.
He restores my soul. He leads me in paths of righteousness for his name’s sake. (Psalm 23:3 ESV)
He always brought relief when it felt unbearable to be in Laguardia with a screaming baby.
Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me. (Psalm 23:4 ESV)
(Yes, I am in fact being a tad dramatic and relating Laguardia to the valley of the shadow of death.)
I have learned more in the last 11 months, just before Elijah was born, about God's providing hand than ever in my life. I erroneously think of his provision primarily in material ways. And yes, he does provide that way a lot for us. But I have learned so much deeper about his provision of peace and strength to endure, of his grace for others and for me, of perfect timing.
If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him! (Matthew 7:11 ESV)
For I, the Lord your God, hold your right hand; it is I who say to you, “Fear not, I am the one who helps you.” (Isaiah 41:13 ESV)
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