Despite his sleep deprivation, Elijah did pretty well the whole trip minus a few short fussy periods. I really think it had to do with Nate's presence. The boy LOVES his daddy.
Most days during the period between his last nap and bedtime, it is a bit of a struggle with Elijah. He often wakes up from his last nap crying and stays fussy. Then...Nate walks in the door getting home from work and just looks at Elijah, and Elijah gets the biggest grin on his face and laughs. Oh, that I would respond with utter delight in the presence of my Heavenly Father.
Elijah's response to Nate is getting to Nate too. The other night, for the first time, Elijah was able to delay his bedtime by a half hour because when Nate laid him down in his crib, Elijah smiled and laughed. Nate couldn't resist and let him "stay up late" to play. I love how much they love each other. Warms my heart even though I pretend to be a tad jealous.
Anyway, I digress. At the appointment, they were pleased with the work of the nasal stents. They showed us a picture from a month ago and the stents have really opened up the inside of his nostrils. They cut the next size stents and sent them home with us. We will send them pictures tomorrow to see of he is ready for the switch. They told us that June may be our last appointment with them, which is bittersweet.
Hanging Out with Uncle Matt a Few Weeks Ago
After the appointment we went to visit our friends at myFace (the foundation that provides our plane tickets). We love stopping by to see them though it is always brief. I know I have said it before, but they treat us like royalty when we walk through their doors. They have given us so much, yet make us feel like we are the ones who have given them something.
When I said the thought of our last trip is bittersweet, the bitter part is not getting to regularly see the clinic and foundation staff. They make the long travel days, the awful taping, and sleep deprivation worth it. We walked through the city a little to get to Grimaldis for lunch. NYC is much nicer in the spring than it was this winter!!
Our trip home was also uneventful, especially the drive home which I slept through most of (poor Nate).
Elijah changes so much each week it seems. His personality is coming through. It is amazing to watch him learn. He is now sitting up on his own (except when he leans over to reach for a toy at which point he just falls over). He squeals and babbles and giggles. He has been eating baby food which is hilarious. It is an incredibly messy venture and has taken a bit of adjusting over the weeks. He eats rice cereal, carrots, sweet potatoes, and most recently zucchini, which to my surprise, he loved. He is enjoying baby food more. Because his palate is still open, it comes out through his nose which he hates. But we are all getting better at it.
The downside to baby food is that it is staining everything. Most of his bibs and burp cloths are now stained orange. I haven't tried much to remove the stains besides his normal laundry detergent because his skin is so sensitive. So we just live with the stains. Stains on the bibs, on his burp cloths, on his clothes, the area under his nose since he won't let us really wipe him off, stains on the floor where he eats (because I don't always take time to wipe them up right away), stains on the white countertops (but those are from me: balsamic vinegar and coffee the worst offenders), stains on my clothes, garden dirt stains on my fingernails, carpet stains from the dogs. We live in a world of stains right now and probably for the foreseeable future.
I am sure I could get some of the stains out if I tried a little harder. But all in all, I am learning to not hate them. On one hand, they remind me that I have the privilege of daily joys of motherhood in all it's messy glory. On the other hand, they also remind me that my heart is stained. Stained by its sin and no matter how I try to clean myself up, I cannot erase my stains.
Though you wash yourself with lye and use much soap, the stain of your guilt is still before me, declares the Lord God. (Jeremiah 2:22 ESV)
And try, I do. So frustrating to try to clean my own heart stains. "Surely, I can get myself all cleaned up, right? I mean, I have to get cleaned up before I can come to God, right?" This was my thinking for most of my Christian life. And I still struggle against that lie almost daily. But then I remember the most beautiful thing about Christ and faith in him. It is about him COMPLETELY. His perfection, his love, his work. All his work. Not mine. Thank goodness that God's acceptance of me is not dependent on me. If it were, I would be doomed. Outwardly, I may seem to be a "good person" and you may think you are too. Good enough to be accepted by God. But let me assure you, you do not know the secret thoughts I struggle with, the dark desires I hate.
For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. (Romans 7:15 ESV)
And if you took the time to truly examine your hearts, you would see the depth of your stains too. Sure, we can all temporarily make ourselves feel better by thinking of all the good things we have done. I despise my self-righteousness. My Pharisee heart.
We have all become like one who is unclean, and all our righteous deeds are like a polluted garment. (Isaiah 64:6 ESV)
But if you truly think about how you really feel and think about other people, it won't take much time to see the hate in your heart. And I am preaching to myself!! Sure, it's easy to see outward sin, particularly actions. But those are just results of the deep dark stains of sinful hearts. Why, oh why do I try so hard to clean up myself?! It is impossible. Impossible for me to do it anyway. And therein lies the hope. That it does not depend on me. Or on you. To clean our heart stains. Sigh of relief.
...though your sins are like scarlet, they shall be as white as snow; though they are red like crimson, they shall become like wool. (Isaiah 1:18 ESV)
Not about me.
Have mercy on me, O God, according to your steadfast love; according to your abundant mercy blot out my transgressions. Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin! For I know my transgressions, and my sin is ever before me...Purge me with hyssop, and I shall be clean; wash me, and I shall be whiter than snow...Hide your face from my sins, and blot out all my iniquities. Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me...For you will not delight in sacrifice, or I would give it; you will not be pleased with a burnt offering. The sacrifices of God are a broken spirit; a broken and contrite heart, O God, you will not despise. (Psalm 51:1-3, 7, 9, 10, 16, 17 ESV)
Not about me. Not my work to do.
The next day he saw Jesus coming toward him, and said, “Behold, the Lamb of God, who takes away the sin of the world! (John 1:29 ESV)
John the Baptist understood.
for this is my blood of the covenant, which is poured out for many for the forgiveness of sins. (Matthew 26:28 ESV)
And while we still struggle with the stains of our hearts. While we live in the tension following the spilled blood of Christ to save and yet waiting for the work to be complete in us, we keep looking forward.
“These are the ones coming out of the great tribulation. They have washed their robes and made them white in the blood of the Lamb. (Revelation 7:13, 14 ESV)
Don't miss this. It's not that the cleansing is in the saints washing. It's in the blood of the Lamb. The great mystery of this. Something so dark and red. Blood. How in the world does that make clean our stained robes, our stained hearts? That is the mystery and miracle of the blood of Christ. If you are a skeptic of Christianity, you probably see it as a religious list of rules of right and wrong. And many churches and "Christians" make it out to be just that. And in that stems a lot of hurt. I pray you would understand the real heart of Christianity though. It's not about what we are supposed to do and not do to get to God. It's about the fact that we are wrong in our heart of hearts (so therefore we do wrong), but God himself had done all the work to make us clean.
What freedom!
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